I wrote a post about insomnia as it relates to HSPs and how it is different than the “typical” diagnosis of insomnia.
Well, one of the things that keeps HSPs up at night is an addiction to their thoughts. This addiction also keeps you from your ideal calling, or career, which I have been posting about lately and will continue to post about.
Yes, this is literally an addiction. Those chemicals in your body give you a buzz and a high when you think about things over and over, planning and organizing.
In just the same way that any addiction begins, thinking becomes a coping skill that fills a need. Our sensitivity allows us to be constantly absorbing information from the day we’re born, or even before–in the womb. We can be called emotional or energetic sponges. We take all this in to the point that we miss who we are in the process. We get so used to FIGURING OUT everything because we aren’t even in touch with our own natural way of being. This is our sensitivity at work, helping us to survive by being extremely useful to the tribe we are born into.
Now, as adults, we are past that critical surviving through childhood period and we are still alive (that’s sort of a given if you are reading this). So, now we are realizing that “Hey, this isn’t doing it for me anymore.” Yet, we are so used to coping by figuring out who to be before going into a party–so we can come across as “normal” or “acceptable”, planning ahead every step to make sure all our sensitive needs will be met, finding a way to make sure others in power will meet our needs because we can’t do it on our own, in sum–figuring out how to fit in. The reason we have to figure it out is because WE DON’T FIT IN.
And, that’s just right. We were never meant to fit in. If we did, all these great new inventions that didn’t exist previously wouldn’t be here. There would be no new music, art, ideas.
We become addicted to planning and thinking as a means to avoid feeling because we may have learned that our feelings are: too much, they are bad, they make others uncomfortable, they are unsolvable, if we go into them we may never come out, and the biggest–WE FEEL THAT WE ARE BROKEN AND WE MUST FIX OURSELVES. We think that if we think long enough and hard enough, eventually we’ll find a solution to what’s wrong with us. We think that one day we will figure it out, how to be like everyone else. We will figure out how to resolve all our uncomfortable feelings, all our sensitivities to food and light and sound, our relationship differences…all of it. We all want to feel wanted, loved, and accepted. And, we think we can figure out how to do that.
I’m going to give you a BIG tip right now. STOP IT.
You are never going to figure out that you’re ok or how to be ok or how to resolve your emotions.
Am I saying that you’re doomed?
No.
You’re never going to figure those things out because they aren’t problems to be solved. THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU, you are just right, and all your emotions are just right. They may be uncomfortable, but there’s nothing wrong with them. They’re just energy moving through you.
You already are loved, wanted, and accepted. So, by trying to find that outside of yourself, you send yourself the message that you don’t have it…therefore you never will experience it. It only seemed like it came from others. It all really happened inside of you, someone else just validated to you that it was there–they were a mirror. And, you got confused, thinking that the mirror was the provider rather than a reflection of the provider–you.
I can imagine some of you thinking, “Then why I do I feel so unhappy with my life?” Do you know what that is? That’s you trying to figure it out again. Just stop it. Go into your body, notice your sensations WITHOUT JUDGMENT. They aren’t good or bad, they just are.
Breaking this addiction takes a detox period and it just takes practice. Do whatever you need to to get out of your thoughts, just the way an alcoholic would do whatever it takes to stay away from a bar. Do jumping jacks, wash the dishes, just don’t get into your thoughts when you get activated.
I get tempted back into my thought addictions from time to time, but it is much easier to notice what’s happening and to more quickly bring myself back to being in my body, just BEING. Just feeling. Just Experiencing.
The funny thing that may be happening right now is that you might be trying to figure out what I’m saying and how you can use it to fix yourself. STOP IT. Go back to your body.
You are just right. There are no mistakes. Everything and everyone happens for a reason, it can be no other way. Don’t use this info to feed the addiction. You aren’t going to figure it out. You just have to DO it. Step into it. There is no thinking or analyzing involved.
Trust your body. Trust your subconscious. Just let this all sink in.
Right now. Stand up. Shake out your whole body.
Make a noise. I like a low groaning noise that moves into a yell. Your noise is just right for you.
Let it all out.
Sit back down. Get into your body.
As if you were watching little puppies in a store window, observe your body and the sensations you notice there. “Oh, interesting, that one is shaking. Hmm, this one is running all over the place. This one is just heavy and still.”
And, just like a little puppy, if you ignore it, an emotion will only speak louder and louder. It might start to chew up your favorite slippers, bark as loud as it can, bite you…all to get your attention.
That’s it. Just give it attention and be with it. Sometimes it may need to be fed, to go to the bathroom, and it may just want your attention.
Or, it may experience what’s called “learned helplessness” where it stops speaking altogether and that part of you becomes totally suppressed. So, when you first listen to it, it may not trust you and it may take some time to coax it out to express.
And then, once it starts expressing, it will probably have A LOT to express. That’s ok. Let it all move and flow.
You can even say to yourself “This feels uncomfortable and that’s ok.”
“I am ok and I am feeling uncomfortable. I can be productive and go to work AND feel uncomfortable.”
Please don’t decide if you like it or not, if it reminds you of anything else, or create any opinions about it. Just be with it. If you catch yourself going into your thoughts, gently guide yourself back to your body. Back to the puppies. That’s it.
There’s no way to figure out how to stay in your body. You just do it. Turn the radio dial of your attention from your thoughts to your body.
The funny paradox that you will notice is that when you are totally ok with feeling all your sensations and emotions, then they just move and you open yourself up to feel a lot more energized and alive. You aren’t weighed down or resisting anything anymore.
When you are ok with feeling the deepest emotions, then you get to be most present, most productive, and most effective in your life. So, all those times you thought you were preventing yourself from being unproductive by feeling that thing you didn’t want to feel, you were really blocking yourself from being the most productive by being present…by being most authentically you. Which, I will remind you, is just right. I know, it wasn’t safe to be you before. But now it is. YOU ARE JUST RIGHT.
You don’t have to believe me. You might not believe me right now. That’s where you are, and as I said, therefore that must be ok. Say to yourself “I don’t believe this, and that’s ok.” Do you want to believe it? That might be where you are, wanting to believe. Identify where you are right now, feel it in your body. Turn your attention there and notice what you feel when you get in touch with the possibility that you are just right as you are and all your feelings are just right. Be with that. Let it flow.
This is your seed that will grow into a tree. I have given you this seed and said, I promise that if you plant this and take these steps in these given conditions, it will grow into this great big amazing thing called “you”. “You” has always been sort of a myth, it seems there have been glimpses. But, it’s just to good to be true that “you” could exist, and be just right.
Well, that’s all I’m asking you to do, plant the seed, try it out, and see what happens. What’ve you got to lose?
Sleepless nights?
Anxiety?
Digestive troubles?
Boring or tense relationships?
Tight muscles?
A job that takes all your effort just to get out of bed to go to?
Well, really, you won’t be losing those. You can go back to them any time you want. They’ll always be there for you if you want them. So, nothing. Nothing to lose.
And, you won’t even believe me if I tell you what can flow into your life by taking this experiment. So I will save that for another day.
Some of you have been asking about working one-on-one with me. SO, I want to remind you that I work through video chat on Skype or over the phone along with in-person sessions–so you can work with me from anywhere in the world, and the most important reminder–you deserve to do what feels best for you.
Tune in with your body now. Is there a part of you, a little voice…or a puppy 
, saying “DO THIS!”?
Listen to yourself and do what feels best for you. You know what happens if you ignore the puppy.
I notice so many of us HSPs, myself included, avoid reaching out for support. It has to do with not wanting to be a burden and feeling like we have to be perfect and figure it all out for everyone else. Not true. Getting support doesn’t make anything wrong with you.
When I first started reaching out and receiving my own coaching and therapy, that’s when I first started to realize that made me most human. I became approachable. I became a person. It got me in touch with me the moment I was willing to be honest with myself about wanting to be cared for and supported by another.
I encourage you to do the same. Whether you choose to work with me or not, listen to you. You will always find your answer inside you.