Jenn Lee of Artizen Coaching and I got together for an interview to talk about how I was using her Right Brain Business Plan and Unfolding Your Life Vision as a licensed facilitator. They are a part of my Sensitive Leadership workshops and retreats (which both have a couple spots still available), and I love using Jenn’s strategies for dealing with the left brain or more practical aspects of business. She makes it easy to support your creative visions with plans, numbers, and figures that work for you in the way you work.

She also talks about how she organizes her time with post-its and big calendars (which is similar to what I do), and gives some great tips to get you started. Time can be a tricky one for HSPs, and I find that blocking time in a visual way is one of the best strategies for us.

So watch this interview to see how I will be using creative planning strategies this year to unfold YOUR life vision, starting with what you sense and moving down to what you have.

This past week and month have been a doozy for me. I am doing a lot of growth right now, shedding of the old and expanding into the new. In sum, I hired my Sensitive Sidekick and am getting used to not doing this on my own, I had to move out of the studio office that I had just settled into right as I launched my new program Sensitive Leadership, my husband got sick in this whole moving process, and I have been having some intense structural body manipulation that also left me congested and dealing with lots of physical issues…and oh, so much more.

I meant to close registration to the program last Friday, but had to deal with emergent issues that happened with the move, amongst other things, and did not have the energy to even open my laptop. So, I listened to that and rested as much as possible. And, I am leaving registration open until this Sunday at 12 midnight.

So frustrating. And, all I could do was keep going.

A number of you have asked about how to deal with family over the holidays, how to not be frustrated with them when you have to spend so much time with them and they have such demands of you.

A number of my friends are going through various intense and frustrating situations right now. “Why is this so frustrating? What to do?!”

I have been doing my Sensitive Shame Resilience course that utilizes Brené Brown’s Connections Curriculum and have had a lot of frustration come up there with the participants.

I have been wrestling with realizing that perhaps I have not been getting my point across clearly. Due to some conversations about sensitivity with some of my group participants, I posted about the basics of what sensitivity is and isn’t and got one of my highest amount of “likes” and “shares”:

I was so frustrated to realize that the basis for why I do what I do was not already obvious. This post above is stuff that I realized I assumed. It was through this frustration that I got to see that my most basic assumptions were not clear. Many HSPs seemed to think that my work was about creating a space to be accommodating together. Rather than feeling dependent on hardy people for approval, they wanted to be dependent on one-another for approval. YIKES! No, this is not what my work is about.

Frustration left, right, front, and center!

How DO we get rid of that stuff…frustration is so FRUSTRATING! And so sticky.

And it’s no reason to stop doing what you want to do. It IS the process.

It’s so sticky that I KNEW I needed to write this post and I kept putting it off because I got frustrated thinking about it. I got frustrated because I didn’t know how to say it. I was waiting until I wouldn’t be frustrated…it got me.

So I have been listening to some words of inspiration from some of my favorites who talk about sticky subjects, Havi Brooks of www.FluentSelf.com and Hiro Boga of www.HiroBoga.com.

They reminded me about sovereignty, which is a subject they both talk about very fluently.

Wikipedia has a great definition that I am just copying and pasting here:

“Sovereignty is the quality of having supreme, independent authority over a geographic area, such as a territory. It can be found in a power to rule and make law that rests on a political fact for which no purely legal explanation can be provided. In theoretical terms, the idea of ‘sovereignty’, historically, from Socrates to Thomas Hobbes, has always necessitated a moral imperative on the entity exercising it.

For centuries past, the idea that a state could be sovereign was always connected to its ability to guarantee the best interests of its own citizens. Thus, if a state could not act in the best interests of its own citizens, it could not be thought of as a ‘sovereign’ state.

The concept of sovereignty has been discussed, debated and questioned throughout history, from the time of the Romans through to the present day. It has changed in its definition, concept, and application throughout, especially during the Age of Enlightenment. The current notion of state sovereignty is often traced back to the Peace of Westphalia (1648), which, in relation to states, codified the basic principles:

• territorial integrity
• border inviolability
• supremacy of the state (rather than the Church)
• a sovereign is the supreme lawmaking authority within its jurisdiction”

Are you the supreme authority on your life? Can YOU guarantee the best interest of your citizens? All the parts that live in you? Do you make space for all of them to live and be? Do you listen to them and give them what they want? Do you hold committee meetings or do you just react on your first impulse? Do you get defensive, untrusting, and protective? Do you have border inviolability?

Being you means that you WILL ruffle some feathers. You are here to be different, not the same. The ruffling is all a part of it. It is in these frustrating interactions that we whittle or hone or distill down to our most essential desires and new outcomes. It is the purifying fire that burns away all the stuff that was blinding us from all the “impossible” things we didn’t even look at. Then the solution sits before us. But, burning hurts. And, anything that is to give off light must endure burning. So the quest is not to stop shining, it is to learn how to burn.

We can either live as if we are a part of the whole or as if we are not. If we are not, then we must be defensive and offensive. We must take a step back and analyze, strategize, distance, armor, and attack. If we are, then we can engage. If we are, then we belong. If we are, we are. I am I am. And everything is here for me, so I can use it.

And, I love that there is debate throughout history about sovereignty and what it is. How true is that for life. How often we decide what is best for other people and that my version of “what is best for me” includes “what is best for you” as well. And it’s a tricky line.

Many HSPs are living in a dictatorship. Many HSPs are letting their fear and their weakness rule them. I know because I was one of them and I notice it even now in myself. Sovereignty is a battle for power. It’s a real battle and it’s real power.

Analysis is my addiction. I get rewarded for it SO often. I have brilliant ideas that people want to hear and it feels so good to get that fix. I can put things together in such a beautiful way in my head as a read a book, article, or hear a talk. But, it is a FIX. It keeps me weak, it keeps me in that cycle. It is not trusting in what is. It is not trusting that I already belong, am already capable and valuable as I show up.

Analysis and worry have kept me up at night, they have determined my schedule, they have determined my plans for the day or week or year, they have been harsh rulers over my self. This is not freedom.

I do not benefit anyone by accommodating their fear, their reactions, their weakness. But, they won’t like me for not accommodating it. When you are weak, everything feels like an attack. Response to the perceived attack is what makes you stronger. Hiding, protecting, and protracting continue to make you weaker.

I don’t benefit my self by keeping an open schedule because I don’t know how tired I will be that day from staying up all night thinking, because I don’t know how anxiety will rule me that day. I am making space to be abused.

If you are weak, then you have not been meeting your needs. You have not been having a committee meeting with all parts of you to come to an overall decision that is most important for you. This is not a point at which to shame your self and I do not intend to shame you. Just start listening, now. The shame is a tricky way to stay where you are.

To seek to stay safe means that you believe there is not a place for you here. That you don’t belong here.

And, there may not be a space for you where you are NOW, until you step into it.

That’s where frustration comes in. Frustration is resistance, this battle for power is real. It is also a sign to KEEP GOING. The more you buffer against frustration, the more you weaken your self. It is so frustrating for me to write this blog post. That’s how I know it’s important. It’s me moving into somewhere I have never been. Bushwhacking is frustrating. And so important. That’s how I create a world that works for me. The more I can just do it and “act normal” rather than freak out the less I give my power away to worry. The funny thing is that all results ultimately come from showing up and doing whatever it is you are doing. No matter how much you plan or prepare or analyze, it all comes down to showing up and working with what is.

Show up with your family owning your space, being sovereign. Listen to YOU when you feel that they are demanding something of you. Be your own supreme authority on what’s best for you and really respond to them in an honest way. I was thrilled recently to have one of my clients who was facing this issue and very nervous about it write me a victorious email stating that her mother had listened to her request for space. If you are not used to establishing what you want, then it may seem like no one will respect it. The first time you do it will be scary and then you will see that you are the basis for how you get treated.

And, as with all the changes I recently made, sometimes it is once we take the first step that a million other steps we didn’t realize we would need to take show up. We can only see them once we have taken that first step. I have found time and again that my plans always take longer to come to fruition than I expected. And, that’s ok. It’s the way it is. Do what’s important and keep doing it. Side note: my husband thought this quote from me was hilarious in regards to all my steps. “It’s like one step forward, 5 million punches in the face.” That is how it feels to me. And I keep going. A garden does not spring up over night.

We often live as these islands, trying to pretend that we are not connected. This is not sovereignty. Trying not to be on the map, or stay well-guarded and distant is a version of hiding. The funny thing about hiding is that we all know when someone is doing it, and we all just play along. “Oh, Ane’s hiding right now, so I better leave her alone so she can hide.”

Sovereignty is knowing that you are here, and being here fully with all your needs. So, rather than hiding, you might identify that one of your needs is to be alone and just own your aloneness, ask for it, or just actually be alone rather than bury your head in the sand. Sovereignty is interdependence, not independence or co-dependence. We are all connected, so the best thing you can do is to make sure you are getting your needs met directly. That feeds us all. And then we don’t have a you-shaped black hole to deal with. It’s tiring to be around a vacuum. It sucks, in fact.

In my recent move, I found an old iPod that I have been listening to as I stroll down memory lane. It’s a funny experience to time travel through music. As I listened to each song, I heard a theme of not feeling that I can meet my needs, but wanting to so desperately. A theme that there is always some unsafe element and that I always have to take a step back whenever something comes to me. Always trying to figure out HOW MUCH to trust, where is the line on faith so that I know how much to open up and how closed to stay.

Forgive the 90s-ness of this video, unless you are still really into the 90s (in that case, ENJOY!). I still find this song relevant and the lyrics deep with meaning.

Needs by Collective Soul

It is ALL feedback. Life is feedback. Use it.

Frustration about my message and how I communicate it, is helping me to hone it and be more clear. It is the only thing that could happen. It simply IS. And, it is what is leading me to write this.

Frustration cannot be avoided. It is part of the process. Honor your frustration and notice what it needs, notice what it wants. In order for growth to happen, there is no way around frustration. It’s not as if I try to create frustrating conversations, or situations where my clients will become frustrated. That’s just life, it just happens. I just don’t disengage with it. Being calm is an attempt to control. You can be you, be real, and be responsive to frustration and anger. You can engage in the moment with your honest responses, you can be a sovereign leader. You can be a Sensitive Leader.

Another song along Memory Lane was Dashboard by Modest Mouse, and a line from that which struck me was:
“Even needs have needs, tiny giants made of tinier giants.”

It takes a lot of space to for all our giant-sized needs. It really is a powerful PRACTICE, a practice that I work at every single day. There is so much shame for sensitive people because we have so many needs that are so big, and many of them that we are not conscious of. We have been told we are too much and want too much. We have been asked to be smaller and want less than we want, need less than we need. It becomes easy to feel minimized, therefore. It takes a lot of courage to stay big and to continue to expand. Make space to be big, to be you. To listen and understand what your needs are telling you.

When I first saw the space that I now live in (as of last week) and was considering the need to move, I had a dream about my self as Manhattan. In it, I realized that I was inhabiting the West or right side of my self when I first moved here. I lived and worked in the West Village. It felt safe there to me. I was in the right. I then moved to SoHo/NoLita which is in the center. I lived a block away from Centre Street. I thought this is where I would find my stability, my center. It was busy, it was where East meets West, the line where they touch. And then, no, it didn’t happen. My center didn’t happen there. I realized that my “center” is to my left. It is outside of my body to my left and I need to lean into it. I saw that this is where DUMBO is, where I now live and work together. It is a part of Brooklyn that is just across the water from Manhattan in between the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridges. It is so interesting to me to realize that this is my center. This is my balance, the far left. It feels SO GOOD to be here. And I denied it for so long.

Everyone will have a different center, I think of it almost like a counter-balance. It depends on what you’re working with as to what will balance you out. I am naturally very analytical. And that means I can lean into the left a lot. I need to lean into the left a lot to experience stability. The left is the creative, spiritual, passionate parts of my self that I can so easily forget to use intentionally and call on as a gift. Silliness is a gift, playfulness and fun are productive. These are my sovereign mantras for my Sensitive Leadership. I hope you will come play with me in my new space, online or in-person.

So, because of ALL those gifts of frustration, I want to highlight a few changes to my website for you to check out that reflect my commitments in this new year:

1. More Play :: 1 Week Small Group Retreat Intensive

2. More Ease :: my new office space is also my home. I am no longer at the Cornelia address. It is now the Sensitivity Salon + Studio.

3. More Consolidation :: Sensitive Leadership is my greatest gift and it is what I am giving. Please check out that page and watch the videos even if you don’t want to participate. It IS meeting your hierarchy of needs as a sensitive person intentionally to get all that you want in your physical reality. The information there is essential. You can work with me from afar for 1-on-1 or just the Essentials program itself, in-person for retreats and intensives, and if you are in NYC I am going to be teaching regular sensitive + thriving Basics Groups that go through Elaine Aron’s workbook and my take on the basics of just understanding your self as highly sensitive as well as 10 Monthly Half-Day Weekend Workshop Sensitive Leadership Intensives in NYC. I have shifted the requirements and structure of my NYC meetup group, so please join me there if you are in NYC and haven’t already.

**Please Note that Sensitive Leadership is open until Midnight on January 1st, so register now.**

4. More Spirituality :: I am starting Super Sensitive Soul Streaming Sunday Services. Just check it out to check me out LIVE every Sunday. I want to give more, I realize there is so much more to give that I am just sitting on. Definitely check it out THIS Sunday and ask any remaining questions you may have about joining me for Sensitive Leadership, practice RESPONDING! Even ask me the questions you think might be “rude” or “stupid” or “crazy” or “boring” or “really lame”.

5. More Clarity :: Please watch and share this video (if you haven’t already) that explains why + what I think it’s important to know about high sensitivity and PLEASE ask any questions or add any pieces you think are important too.

Technology can go a couple different ways for the highly sensitive, one of those ways being complete overwhelm and/or avoidance. So, if this is you, what if you realize you need an online presence?

If you want to have a business, then you NEED to have a website. If you are really taking charge of your life in any way, are entrepreneurial in any way, you need to be online. It is how you share your unique, big vision and message with the world as a Sensitive Leader. Literally, the world. It’s how you get a tribe behind what you’re doing. It’s how you shine your light for everyone who wants to find it. It is immediate access to everything and everyone. If you’re hiding, this is part of how you stop that and start showing up. It also gives you a lot more freedom to work in a way that works for you, you are leveraging your time and your site is “working” for you even when you are not working.

So how do you use this amazing tool if you know nothing about web development, SEO, HTML code and the very thought of setting up a site sends you into a panic or analysis paralysis? That’s what this interview is all about. My friend and famous online-fame-guide Laura Roeder has mastered breaking down social media technology to the bare bones to show you that you CAN do it as she walks you through it all with her easy-to-use programs. She shares some really straightforward tips here in this interview to help you move forward today wherever you are in your tech capabilities. I love talking to Roeder, my fake daughter, because she always tells it straight and I always get some gems. I think you will too. I explain how it fits into The Highly Sensitive Hierarchy of Needs and Laura is re-launching Zero to WordPress Website, so you have NO REASON to not set up an awesome website or improve the one you have…you can even do it this weekend!

Watch this 25 minute interview and then share your insights + online presence goals for 2012 below in the comments:

 
See all of Laura’s super-easy programs to let you shine online here.

See all about my upcoming Sensitive Leadership program that closes on December 25th here.

I recently came across this artist, Jason de Caires Taylor.

He creates life-size statues that he sinks to the bottom of the ocean to bring awareness of preserving the reef there.

I am scared of them. Really SCARED.

I don’t normally get scared. But, I could not shake this. I am one who laughs at the ridiculousness of horror movies and can handle some pretty intense stuff…

But I could not shake this.

I was equally fascinated and frightened. I would look and shudder and want to look some more.

I can look at them more easily now. I still get the visceral creepy, wet, deep, alone, haunting feeling.

In my curiosity to understand what the deal was, I was reminded of this article I wrote: Are you drowning in a sea of sensitivity? It’s time to walk on water.

In the article, I use the actual line: “So what do many of us do who have found ourselves in this sea of sensations, tossing us around? We hold onto something really heavy and sink to the bottom to find a limit.”

Shudder.

Oh, heavy sigh.

Breathe.

This art is the embodiment of something that has been my worst nightmare my whole life: that I am stuck at the bottom of this ocean.

That we all are as sensitive people. Trapped in this world of overstimulation and emotion. Isolated. Together. In this soundproof space where no one can hear us. Where we decay, heavy and immovable. Frozen.

Frozen of our own unknowing choice, our reactions. Weighing ourselves down with the heaviness of life to feel grounded in some way, rather than tossed all over.

The way that I refer to the 80% of the population who are not genetically highly sensitive is “hardy”. I started using that term based on this article that compares orchid children to dandelion children (there is a book on the way about this topic and I am hoping to speak with the author!).

har·dy 

adjective /ˈhärdē/ hardier, comparative; hardiest, superlative  Robust; capable of enduring difficult conditions (of a plant) Able to survive outside during winter

We, as HSPs, are not hardy. We are not meant to be hard. We are not thick skinned. We will not survive the winter intact without any protection.

But, we are meant to be “hearty”.

heart·y 

adjective /ˈhärtē/ heartier, comparative; heartiest, superlative  (of a person or their behavior) Loudly vigorous and cheerful (of a feeling or an opinion) Heartfelt (of a person) Strong and healthy (of food) Wholesome and substantial (of a person’s appetite) Robust and healthy

We are thin skinned. We don’t have natural walls to protect us through the winter. We are open. We feel deeply. And from this feeling, we can express deeply. Heartily. Our strength is to feel. Our strength is our heart.

This is my first post since being newly married, for the second time. The first time, I tried to be a Weed (yes, that was really my last name in my first marriage). It wasn’t me. I tried. Really hard. I am not hardy. I am not a dandelion. It was tough to accept at the time, but I had to. It wasn’t working.

I changed my name back to Axford, which was my name at birth and my family name. You can see all about that here.

The metaphor is striking to me. The name “Axford” comes from a ford in the river Ax in England, which is where my dad’s ancestors came from. A ford is a shallow place in a river that you can walk across. And the word Axe is a version of the Celtic word for water, I just discovered. My name means “a place to walk across water”. I am keeping this last name. From the time I was young, I have wanted to walk on water.

I married Ché Lucero. “Lucero” means morning star, or bringer of light. And he is. He has been a wonderful partner who shines his light for me to walk by.

In this light I have had the experience of really exploring many of the heavy things I have been holding on to. I have had the opportunity to go into some of the pain in my body in a way that I never felt safe to before. I have realized that there is no way to handle it and I just let my self feel it and in this feeling, be broken open. I am softening through this breaking open at such a new and deep level.

I am doing a new treatment right now for scoliosis. I was diagnosed with scoliosis as a teen. It is idiopathic, meaning there is no known cause. I have never been fully in alignment as an adult. None of the physical therapy I did for years made a difference. It was a bandaid.

The therapist working on me (whom I HIGHLY recommend, check out his reviews!) told me that he needs to create trauma that is more intense than the initial trauma so that my body can really let go of it and see that I am stronger. He told me there is nothing I can do. (For me, that sends panic. Nothing I can DO!?)I just have to show up and be willing to experience it. I literally go to him every week to have him extract pain from my body that I have not been able to feel before. Pain from my childhood. Pain that I couldn’t handle. It was a powerful realization that I CAN’T HANDLE THIS and I don’t have to. I am just feeling in a way that I have never felt before. Being broken open, rather than hardened against it.

I am reading “A life of being, Having, and Doing Enough” by Wayne Muller right now.  

As I read this page the other night, I was so struck by this message of opening up instead of hardening our armor:

We have all experienced this in our lives. I have multiple close friends going through pains right now, particularly hard and challenging times. These times ask us to face what we can’t handle, what seems too hard. Yet, they are opportunities to be softer. To feel more. To let go of rigidity, hardness, armor, heaviness…and start to float. To stop controlling and open to what is. They ask us to do the impossible. The miracle that I am finding when I do this, is that I get to see that I naturally float. I am buoyed up by what I am, not by what I do or control.

Being broken open after we hit the bottom means that we get to prove to ourselves that there is something in us that is. Something in us that we don’t control. It allows us to open to our intrinsic nature and authentic self that is beyond what we do, plan, perfect. No matter what, life moves on.

I now have the opportunity to share this story with an audience of highly sensitive people like myself, who may relate, whom this may matter to. I never anticipated this. Once I was lost at the bottom, without a voice. Thankfully, life broke me open and I allowed it.

I am so grateful for you, for this. And I never could have planned it.

I think it is important for us to tell our stories, to feel our pain, to release them. They are heavy. Let’s not hold them alone in petrifying silence any more. I would love to hear about your heaviness that you are dropping, breaking open, releasing in the comments below. I want to feel you. Please, come be hearty with me.

I still shudder to think of all those statues at the bottom of the ocean. I am still stepping forward in my own process to release that. I still get scared that we might be stuck there. And, I still follow my heart and am amazed and humbled at the way all of my clients and all the HSPs I get to interact with break through this armor to feel their hearts so courageously. I believe I can heal my back. I believe it is important for me to be aligned. So many amazing things have led me here. I am committed to feeling it all to see that I am stronger than I think. I AM…stronger than…I think.

Please share with me in the comments below how YOU ARE…stronger than…YOU THINK as you feel through your pain.

once, I was lost
to the point of disgust
I had in my sight
lack of vision
lack of light
I held hard
I held fast
mercy me
it’ll never last

then, in the dust
all the things
we discussed
were thrown to the wind
so at last
we begin
‘cuz we fall hard
we fall fast
mercy me
it’ll never last

Why are there 3 “wins” up there in the title?

No, it’s not because I didn’t double check my math.

It is because when we collaborate, we get way more than the sum of the 2 who came together.

I FIRMLY believe this. I KNOW THIS.

I have experienced it in my own life. It is probably the most miraculous thing I have witnessed and continue to witness in my life. When I refuse to compete, and instead trust that there is plenty for all…there is. We are all inherently valuable. Therefore, no one else can be a better me than….ME. And, when I let my self have a little chemical reaction with your self, we get a whole new third thing that is also irreplaceably unique and valuable.

These are not just nice things I am telling you, those “shoulds”. No, you ought to know by now that I do not encourage shoulding on your self.

It is the best thing you can do for you and for everyone to collaborate with worthy collaborators. Strength in numbers.

If you come together with others who are a looking to fix themselves, they take a little or a lot from you if you let them. And then you are drained. BUT, when you come together with others who are doing their best to live on purpose and are giving their all, you benefit and they benefit, and everyone who experiences or witnesses it benefits. This is where the three wins comes in. Collaborating with people who are potent when you are potent creates powerful chemistry and is important for all of us. It’s not about gaining anything, just knowing that you already have a lot to give and giving it generously as you are.

HSPs have a HUGE tendency to undervalue themselves, as Elaine Aron talks about with The Undervalued Self. Collaboration can help you to get a leg up on experimenting with your value. It can be a great way to step out into the world of sharing YOU as a valuable and wanted being, just as you are.

So, in this post, I want to share with you a few of the fabulous collaborations that I am in on. I have done some guest posts that you may not have seen which are posted below. I posted on sites that are true to what I believe in. They are sites that are doing important things in the world of sensitivity, so I hope that you will check out each one:

The Red Journey :: We’re Never Going to Survive Unless We Get a Little Bit Crazy

Are You Drowning in a Sea of Sensitivity? It’s Time to Walk on Water

Ane & Lillian ON :: Balance

Ane & Lillian ON :: Being “Good” vs. Being “Bad”

See All of Ane & Lillian ON

How to Make Sensitivity a Super Power :: Go From Disease to Ease in Minutes

I have also stepped into the collaborative role as leader of the NYC branch of Tribal Truth. This is an organization for women who are living on purpose, taking charge of their lives to experience freedom in every capacity. It is important for women, who have been so disempowered, to come together to support each other in owning their finances in a way that works for them. It is important for women to come together to do business in a feminine strategy. It is truly about collaboration.

I am going to be speaking on Thursday, July 21st about my intentions with the NYC Tribe.

Please come to this event to learn more about experimenting with your value so that you can experience your value, in EVERY way…financially, emotionally, intellectually, relationally, spiritually.

You are valuable, but you can’t know it alone. Come experience it.

I will be showing you how to experience your value. To see more about my own journey with this very thing, here is a special video of me sharing my experience working with Marie Forleo’s Adventure Mastermind group (see www.marieforleo.com).

Space is limited. Grab your spot today and save $10.

Tribal Truth is a women’s empowerment organization where women come to become feminine leaders and collaborate with one another to create the new paradigm. If you are interested in membership, click here.

And, if you are interested in collaborating with me as a sensitive leader in your own way…stay tuned for upcoming information on Beyond Thriving :: Sensitive Leadership. I am getting married this Thursday, July 7th to the sensitive man from the video above, Ché Lucero. Also an incredibly important collaboration in my life. And, when I am back from that adventure, I will be full force ahead to share with you some important information about moving beyond thriving to leading with your sensitivity. There will be plenty of opportunity for you to show up there.

And, as one final opportunity to enjoy the spirit of collaboration and the benefits that come from it, Ché and I do not have a typical wedding registry.

Instead of buying us a gift, join our Kiva team and lend to an entrepreneur in need to support them in taking charge of their lives and thriving.

Kiva.com is a non-profit social lending/microloan institution. People make loans (in $25 increments) to disadvantaged entrepreneurs in other countries so that they can start a small businesses or expand their small business. A few of the typical borrowers might include a small groups of women looking to open up a shop together, a tailor, a lorry-driver who also sells construction materials, or a small farmer that needs to dig a well to better water her crops. The lender gets to review and choose from the various people requesting money: Who they are, where they live, their life situation, how much they need and for what purpose.

Here’s to YOU + ME + US!!!

You have heard me talk about HSP entrepreneurship before…but you haven’t heard me talk about how I got here. I feel so honored to work with such awesome, creative people. One of these awesome people is Sarah Malik, and she is in the midst of some heavy stuff about her value and what she calls “Career Brainwashing” (LOVE THAT NAME!). She is having some big realizations and her words are so profound.

I so relate to where she is and what she is saying, I was there. And, I know many of you are too. That is why I wanted to record this conversation between Sarah and I to share with you. It’s an experiment. I don’t know where it will go, Sarah doesn’t know where it will go. But, it’s by asking the questions that we get the answers. And, I know Sarah is incredibly valuable. She’s taking a risk to see that for herself. I honor her deeply for that.

We are going to do a little video series for you here so that you get to follow us through some of this process with Sarah. I apologize for the video quality in the first one, I will work on making it clearer for future videos. I so appreciate Sarah’s courage, honesty, and heart for being willing to do this. Thank you, Sarah, and all of you who are willing to experiment with your value, to risk finding an answer by asking a scary and vulnerable question. Thank you for being willing to be in the unknown intentionally.

If you can relate to what Sarah is experiencing, write about it in the comments below. Ask us questions. What are you wondering about? What baffles you? What scares you about working, your value, and how to find what works for you? What has worked? What do you wish for? What do you dream of?

Career Brainwashing Video 1

Career Brainwashing Video 2

Career Brainwashing Video 3 (final video in the series)

Career Brainwashing Self-Test by Sarah Malik

Here are a few clues that may help you identify if you are experiencing the effects of career brainwashing. Sarah created this awesome assessment that I had to share. If you relate to any of them, do a little exploratory work about why. If you answer most of them with a “YES!”, it’s time to get serious about shifting the way you “work”…to a way that works for you.

1)  You feel drained and exhausted at the end of a 9 to 5 day, with little energy left for personal time or fun things.

2)  It feels depressing and inauthentic having to act professional and hide your feelings, emotions and care for others.

3)  You feel nervous or anxious about how to act. It feels stressful dealing with people, trying to act the right way.

4)  You would like to have freedom in how you act, how you dress or how you sit or move.

5)  It feels like prison to sit in an office all day. You dream of getting outside. You don’t like being confined.

6)  You find yourself daydreaming and wishing you were somewhere else, even if you don’t know where.

7)  You get easily bored at work.

8)  You feel unfulfilled at work.

9)  You want to have a career using your natural gifts and talents.

10)  You can’t seem to find a career path.

11)  What you studied in school has not translated or led you into a great career.

12)  You’ve never seen a job description you really like or feel inspired by.

13)  You know you are highly underpaid.

14)  You know you could or would like to be able to do something more high profile or higher paying.

15)  You know you would like to feel inspired about the work you do.

16)  You know you would like to have work that feels like an authentic expression of who you are.

17)  You have settled for doing menial, mindless or minimum wage-type work in order to pay the bills or because you can’t figure out what else to do.

18)  You know you are technically capable of doing your job, but it’s just not inspiring or doesn’t use your true talents.

19)  You are embarrassed at how overqualified you are for what you do or for the kind of jobs you apply for.

20)  You feel ashamed that you haven’t settled into a career like most of the people you know.

21)  You lack a sense of self-confidence. You are stuck and no matter what you do, you can’t seem to overcome this negative self-image.

22)  People tell you that you are smart and capable and that you can do anything you put your mind to, but you don’t feel that way.

23)  You believe that people should do work they love, but it feels like a fantasy. You don’t know how to experience that reality for yourself.

24)  You leave jobs often or you’ve had a large number of jobs.

25)  You feel like you are always job hunting, having to network and interview. You’re tired of this constant cycle of always looking for a new job.

26)  You want to be highly paid based on the value you can deliver, not the hours of grunt work you can do.

27)  You are thinking about going back to school to get another degree, because you’re not happy with what you’re doing now.

28)  You are worried there is something seriously wrong with you because of your experiences around work, because of your struggles in this area.

29)  You have considered taking medication to help you deal with your issues around work.

30)  You feel depressed and hopeless that work will never be what you dream it can be.

31)  You have given up hope that you’ll ever really find career fulfillment.

IF YOU ARE STILL TRYING TO DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE OK, don’t take any steps on business yet. Any program designed to help you start your creative business or find your purpose will just add more frustration until you understand and own your sensitivity, until you see your self as just right. My online program is for you if this is where you are.

For those who are already taking action or are ready to take action to get their own business idea rolling, here are two great options below. This is for you IF you have stopped trying to fix your self and you are experimenting with the hope and possibility that you have inherent, essential value. This means there is no panic about how long the process will take because you are willing to do what it takes to honor your value through self care, play, and authentic self expression (this includes sharing your value for payment). You are probably also feeling excited/scared to share your self, to be totally in charge of your life, and that what you know that will change the world one person at a time.

These are some DIY options, though from time to time I have interactive options that you can keep your eyes peeled for:

Maybe you’re like me and the thought of writing a business plan makes your skin crawl. But you know important it is to have clear goals and action steps for your business to succeed. Well, here’s something for you that might be just up your alley. Instead of staying stuck and frustrated, how about having fun and moving your business forward with The Right Brain Business Plan.

This business plan PLAYbook is perfect for you if…

* You don’t have a business plan and know you need one, but doing dirty dishes, dealing with loads of laundry, or even getting a head start on next year’s taxes all sound way more appealing (ugh!)

* You already have a business plan, but you need to breathe new life into it

* You can’t stand spreadsheets

* Numbers numb you out

* You’re a creative entrepreneur such as an artist, coach, health and wellness professional, educator, designer, freelancer, writer, photographer, non-profit leader or all-around creative soul wanting to make a positive impact with your work

* AND you’d be a heck of a lot happier planning your business in the same intuitive, authentic, and expressive way that you live your creative life (yes, indeed, it can be that fun and fulfilling!)

Check out The Right Brain Business Plan to see if it’s right for you, and you can see all of Jennifer Lee’s Right Brain Business services here.

And, for more overall DIY business building, I recommend:

Video streaming by Ustream

I recorded this audio a little while ago and have been putting off writing this post that includes it because there is so much to include about this topic that I felt overwhelmed even thinking about it.

And, I kept thinking about how to pare it down. Which felt impossible.

So, I’m not. It’s all here.

You are now warned, this post is THE MOTHERLOAD.

I am putting it ALL in here so that this is an all-in-one resource to refer to and share with others. PLEASE write in the comments below about techniques, methods, resources that you have found helpful.

I will add to it and update it as new information becomes available, so check back from time to time. AND, anytime you get new info, please add to the comments below.

I use all of the knowledge and training about health that I have to determine that what I am sharing may be beneficial, and not harmful, for you too. And, I really use all the things that I am recommending and experience great results, as well as recommend them to my clients.

However, I cannot know for sure that any of these items will be beneficial and not harmful for you because I don’t know you. Please use your best judgment, and if you are currently under the care of a health professional then consult with them about using the items that could interact with or affect your treatment. Please do your own research to see if what I share fits for you.

I am not prescribing any of these items or guaranteeing particular results.

Also, please know that you CANNOT resolve all issues in your life through the way you eat or operate your body. You also have the ability to think and feel and how you are thinking and feeling will affect your whole functioning, including your physical health. This post just addresses techniques for self care and physical tune-ups that tend to work for a highly sensitive body. Mental, emotional, spiritual practices are equally as important, though I am not going into detail about that here.

***IN FACT, I have experienced my greatest health as I have more and more fully been living in a state of  THIS IS IT and I AM. That means I am already enough. I am already complete. It’s the idea that I’m not that creates the experience that I am not. The more directly I do what I most want right now and live only for right now POTENTLY, the greater my experience of health is. This includes healing rashes, digestive issues, scoliosis and muscular discomfort, chronic sinusitis, chronic UTIs and sexual discomfort (vulvar vestibulitis), acne, TMJ, fibromyalgia, potential endometriosis, inflamed ovaries, and more. That’s straight from the horse’s mouth. I testify that the more I am connected to my in-the-moment source of inspiration, the more energy and health I experience. The more I force, fight, settle, and should on myself the more tired and sick I feel. And ease feels a lot better than dis-ease. Use dis-ease as a sign that things can be easier. Then let them be easier. Let it be easy to be you. There is no “IT” outside of you that will “cure” you of all. Be wherever you are now and do whatever feels most important to do right now.

Alright, based on that, use all of these tips as guides for when things are out of whack, as general maintenance, and know that ultimate health comes from being aligned with what fits best for you right now, which you can only know right now. Isn’t that convenient?! It means you can drop all that heavy stuff you’ve been carrying around. You don’t need it after all! You’ve got everything you need already. Hurray!

Listen to the recording at the top and then read below for all the resources.

Here is the article I refer to in the recording that may be helpful to read as well: High Sensitivity Vs. Disorder

DIET:

There is a lot of controversy about what is the best diet to eat. I have found that the best way to eat is whatever your body wants RIGHT NOW. Being sensitive means that you are always listening to what your body will be most satisfied by right now. You can only know that right now. I like to use imagery to feel how eating various items satisfies my body. I literally imagine eating a particular type of food and see if I feel satisfied. It isn’t so much about ALWAYS eating ______, but rather responding to your body’s level of acidity/alkalinity with a food that will create a chemistry that feels good. If you are particularly acidic, something very green and alkaline with create balance. If you are more alkaline, having something acidic may feel good.

Given that guideline, I find that a plant-based diet with mostly green, colorful, organic, raw foods is best. This means low-glycemic, little to no grain, little to no dairy, little to no sugar, little to no processed foods, and LOTS AND LOTS of vibrant alive food that includes plenty of protein and a good acid to alkaline balance so that you are keeping your ocean of blood alkaline.

Many HSPs struggle with parasites and bacteria in the blood stream. The diets I list here help to keep a healthy balance in your body so that you naturally prevent bacteria and candida overgrowth. I find that the bacteria issues relate to all health issues and cause autoimmune disorders. There is really compelling research coming out to show that autoimmune disorders are infectious diseases. This means that a whole host of symptoms can be resolved through diet. These symtoms range from muscle soreness to diabetes to allergies to depression. I recommend some supplements to help kill bacteria (nutribiotics) and candida/bacteria/virus cleanse supplements below to help kick start this process.

I am not going to tackle the issue of vegetarianism/veganism here, though it is an important issue and one that I would love to discuss at another point. Whether you eat animals/their products or not, organic protein sources are important. If you are eating meat, know the source. Make sure it’s not injected with chemicals/hormones/antibiotics that will affect you. There are lots of plant-based protein sources as well. HSPs utilize a lot of brain power and you need to re-fuel regularly. The brain uses up to 30% of the body’s energy. We are highly responsive to low blood sugar, so slow carbs and lots of protein help prevent us from getting “hangry” (hungry + angry).

Many highly sensitive people are intolerant to or sensitive to gluten, dairy, sugar, and caffeine. Check it out for yourself. As soon as I went off gluten, my experience of depression and anxiety lifted significantly (there were still lifestyle issues I had yet to resolve that led the depression/anxiety to continue to a degree…but that’s another story). Gluten intolerance can lead to part of your mucosal lining of your intestine being destroyed and therefore malnourishment, which can lead to a plethora of health issues. Being deficient in vitamin D and magnesium is super common and can be caused when your stomach is incapable of digesting them. This issue also leads to having a whole lot more stuff in your bloodstream that your body identifies as toxic and attacks. This is called leaky gut syndrome. This equals increased food sensitivity. And, it means a liver cleanse is very important (see below).

BUT, there is interesting research to show that many with specific genes (HSPs?) do not experience any intestinal damage or test positive for gluten intolerance/celiac disease, yet experience negative neurological reactions from gluten. This article talks about that very clearly, and you can also check out www.TheGlutenSyndrome.net. That site has a great number of resources, and this chart may be particularly helpful in illustrating what I am talking about. Gluten is being seen to interact with the nervous system. So, if you have neurological symptoms included in that chart, or any nervous system disorders then it is worth trying a gluten free diet. Please note, that the research shows also that it can take some time. Prolonged damage may lead to prolonged symptoms. Check out the article and check with a doctor who can tell you more if you are experiencing these symptoms so that you know how long to do the gluten-free diet before seeing effects. I am personally doing it for the rest of my life.

An elimination diet is recommended to really understand what works well with YOUR body and what doesn’t. It can help you understand what you are sensitive to, allergic to, or intolerant to. Make sure to watch ALL symptoms when you do it. Don’t just look for digestive symptoms, look for all the ways your body feels or may be effected. Keep a journal/log. Food effects your mood, your skin, your sleep, etc. An elimination diet means that you eat a very basic diet and then slowly add items back in one at a time to see how your body responds.

Here are some resources for elimination diets:

The Comprehensive Elimination Diet plan through The Functional Medicine Research Center. This packet includes information on the elimination diet, instructions on how to perform the diet, food lists, a 7-day menu plan, and recipes.

http://www.functionalmedicine.org/content_management/files/ifm_Comp_Elim_Diet_091503.pdf

University of Wisconsin Integrative Medicine Elimination Diet Patient Handout.

Includes step-by-step instructions on how to perform an elimination diet, food lists, and a food journal.

http://www.fammed.wisc.edu/files/webfm-uploads/documents/outreach/im/handout_elimination_diet_patient.pdf

Kitchen Table Medicine Allergy Elimination Diet page.

Offers good information on the diet as well as a food list and recipes.

http://www.kitchentablemedicine.com/allergy-elimination-diet/

CFIDS Association of America’s Elimination Diet page. A brief overview and instructions on performing an elimination diet.

http://www.cfids.org/about-cfids/elimination-diet.asp

Foodintol.com offers a lot of good free information on food intolerances and the elimination diet.

http://www.foodintol.com/eliminationdiet.asp

SO MANY resources exist for a variety of balanced diets that are sustainable to eat on a regular basis once you have done the elimination diet. I recommend educating your self and try something new. I have included the major ones below. I find that they all include an important concept and ought to all be incorporated. Eliminating grains isn’t enough, eliminating processed foods isn’t enough, eating raw to get all the enzymes to aid in digestion isn’t enough, you need to know what really feeds your body too, you need all components.

Tim Ferriss has a great blog post that summarizes a lot of what I said above in more detail. He also has a popular book out called The Four Hour Body that utilizes the Paleo Diet.

Another diet is The Specific Carbohydrate Diet.

What I most recommend as an intro book to an alkaline based diet called Crazy Sexy Diet by Kris Carr. If you are scared of what I am saying here or unsure of how to start, this book will explain it all to you in clear terms and gently guide you to incorporate more good stuff. She talks specifically about how she had liver cancer and switched her whole lifestyle around to heal. It’s a great step-by-step guide no matter what stage you are at.

For great raw plant-based recipes, I love Ani Phyo’s books and she has a lot of online resources. She also has pet food recipes to keep all the beings in your house in tip top shape, even the furrier ones. All these rules apply to your pets too. The same junk that messes with your system messes with theirs.

I recommend local, organic produce through farmer’s markets or community supported agricture (CSAs). This ensures that you are eating food at it’s prime, most nutritious state and prevents loads of emissions being dumped in the air to transport produce. Find a CSA through localharvest.org.

BREATH + DIGESTION:

Hiatal Hernia Syndrome is a condition in which part of your stomach comes up through your diaphragm, it is very common, and related to breathing shallowly. Your diaphragm is a muscle that you can increase in strength. It may be weak right now. Many HSPs have difficulty really being their bodies and breathing, so then they also have a hard time integrating what they consume. This can lead to acid reflux and digestive discomfort because your stomach acid isn’t able to do it’s work. Practice breathing, eat slowly and mindfully feel each bite.

CANDIDA AND PARASITE CLEANSE:

When your body is in this vicious cycle, it craves the things that are hurting it. To help kick start you, I recommend a candida and parasite cleanse. These are herbal supplements that help kill off the overgrowth to give you extra help in shifting cravings.

Nutribiotics can be helpful with this as well and as taken on a regular basis. There are a number of natural antibiotics that you can take daily. The one I really like is grapefruit seed extract. It’s quite bitter, so I recommend pill over liquid form. Take them any time you notice an infection coming on. I mix the liquid form into my dog’s food when she is having an infection.

LIVER DETOX:

If you feel sluggish, tired, or “drugged” like I used to, then your liver probably is overwhelmed and you have junk in your bloodstream. This also affects your hormone balance and thyroid. And, when you are first shifting your diet and clearing out your body, you will be detoxing. This means you will feel worse before you feel better. As you shift your diet, I recommend a liver cleanse. Your liver has been overwhelmed and will be overwhelmed by all that your body is purging. Take an herbal liver cleanse as you shift your diet to help with the detox process. I also recommend doing a liver cleanse yearly, in the spring.

SINUSES:

Use a NETI POT! I like this plastic version that is easy to travel with and very inexpensive. Our sensitive sinuses are effected by both external, airborne items as well as internal issues. A saline sinus flush can help with both. It helps with allergies as well as colds, and chronic sinus issues. Definitely use it if you are experiencing congestion, multiple times a day, but also use it daily on a regular basis. For sensitive bodies, it’s like brushing your teeth. I keep mine in the shower and just use it as part of my routine. Be warned, the first couple of times that EVERYONE does it feels like you are being dunked in the ocean. It gets better the more you do it, I promise.

I also recommend taking a daily dose of apple cider vinegar with The Mother (this is THE MOTHERLOAD). It helps balance your internal flora, which is related to sinuses. I recommend this over a probiotic, though many people find probiotics helpful. I take a couple teaspoons mixed with a glass of warm water. It’s potent. It IS vinegar. Some people like to mix honey or agave nectar with it to soften the blow. I like the flavor, it tastes like champagne apple juice to me. Organic apple cider vinegar with the mother has been touted to heal EVERYTHING. And, it’s abilities are quite impressive. It’s helps every stomach discomfort I have thrown it at, sinus infection, acid reflux…and more. Google it.

*FOR THOSE WHO ARE HARDCORE* you can mix a little apple cider vinegar in with your neti sinus wash. This is not for the faint of heart. Make sure to heavily dilute it. It is beyond intense for me and I only do it in cases of sinus infection. But, I know some who swear by it and they love the burn. You can still improve a sinus infection just by sipping diluted apple cider vinegar too, if you really can’t bring your self to flush your nose with it.

Some sinus and mouth/tooth discomfort is related to fascia that is in a state of tension. It is connected to your shoulder and neck tension from STRESS. SO, if you are tense (as many of us can get), you may experience sinus discomfort. Utilize the info I write about below in the muscle section to help open up your sinuses. It’s amazing to me how releasing my shoulder blades and the base of my skull can immediately open up sinuses that feel compressed. Tight sinuses are also more likely to get infected and chronically tight sinuses are inflamed, so use this holistic approach that includes supplements, diet, and physical work to help.

SKIN CARE:

What you put on your body goes in your body. Make sure it’s all goodness.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE all the products I have used from Simply Divine Botanicals. Plus they have puntastic names! Double favorite. “Honey I Shrunk the Pores” really does, honey. “Amazing Face” is the best moisturizer I have ever found. I sing Amazing Face (Grace) when I put it on and my skin glows. I recommend all natural, organic products. You can even create your own. I use straight almond oil on my body. I LOVE using coconut oil on everything: hair, face, body. It smells amazing and is antibacterial.

Tea tree oil is great for infections, it’s antibacterial. I put it on cuts, it does wonders if you get it on a mosquito bite ASAP, zits, gargle with it if you have a sore throat (make sure to dilute it, it’s STRONG, use a couple drops in a glass of warm water).

Aloe vera in liquid form is incredible for infection and inflammation too. It decreases swelling. And it is SO mild. If you have an ear infection, you can pour it in. I use it on my nose ring piercing if it gets infected. Use it anywhere that you don’t want the potency or tingle of tea tree oil.

This Super Lysine + zinc/lysine cream is a favorite. I use it on every kind of rash, though it is meant for cold sores/herpes. Taking these pills also helps treat it from the inside, I highly recommend them if you have ANY skin conditions or rashes. Many HSPs get herpes, it has a link to gluten intolerance and the particular type of autoimmune issues we deal with. Many with gluten intolerance get dermititus herpetiformus, which is a skin rash. I find that this cream and these supplements help a lot with resolving it (along with the diet I recommend).

Dry brushing is a new favorite for my body, from Kris Carr. I do it before I shower and my skin is better than ever, so smooth. It helps a lot with circulation and clearing away old skin cells. No more ingrown hairs!

For my face, I absolutely love my Clarisonic. It is like an electric toothbrush for your face. It is made by the same people who do Sonicare electric toothbrushes. HSPs can often have large pores and/or bacteria overgrowth on their skin (same as inside). This little puppy helps whisk it all away. I use it every time I shower. It’s water proof and rechargeable. Also, you can get replacement brushes…that are sensitive You can get brushes for your body, though I prefer to dry brush (above). I thought that large pores would always just be an issue for me, not any more.

I LOVE RMS, a natural makeup that actually improves my skin and is healthy for it. That’s it. It’s the only thing I wear and my skin loves it. It’s convenient and easy to use too.

Rashes can come from what your sensitive skin touches, such as cleaning products or skin products, but also from what you eat. Gluten can cause skin rashes, and those with gluten intolerance are also more prone to rashes from a few other foods such as mangoes, kiwis, pineapple, citrus. So, do some investigative work if you are having skin issues. Diet can do a lot in this area.

Acne is most often internally caused. Stress and diet are the culprits. The diets I recommend help immensely. Also, the OPC-3 supplement I recommend helps with circulation and does wonder for complexions.

DAILY SUPPLEMENTS:

A healthy diet is important, first and fore most. It doesn’t matter what supplements you take if that isn’t happening. Yet, in addition to a healthy diet, supplements can be incredibly supportive. Keep in mind that they are a “supplement”, not a medication or a total plan. This means that you take them regularly, just like you eat every day. Our body has specific needs to function well and supplements can help make that happen.

HSPs often have sensitive tummies that really don’t do well with processed vitamin pills. I love this whole line of Nutrametrix supplements and am a health professional distributor for them. They are isotonic which means that they are the same tone as your blood and are immediately bioavailable when taken on an empty stomach. There is a ton of research and information on each supplement when you click on them. They each have multiple info tabs, so use them.

How to take these isotonic powder supplements:

Take most of the isotonic/powder supplements on an empty stomach, which means a minimum of two hours after having consumed anything. The label on each supplement will tell you how to take it. If you have anything in your stomach digesting, it requires the supplement to go through the digestive process too instead of straight on through to your blood. It’s like an IV that is tasty and doesn’t involve any needles. Mix one small white capful of powder with one larger clear cup up to the white line with water. If you are taking more than one dose of anything you can mix them all together in a glass (vitamins with OPC-3, etc.). You can still take other medication after that which is supposed to be taken on an empty stomach. Just wait about 5 minutes per dose before consuming anything after taking your isotonic supplements.

More things to be aware of when ordering these supplements:

1. You have the option for a 30-day or 90-day supply on the isotonic supplements. The 90-day is a much better deal. But, if you just want to try it out you can do the 30-day.

2. You can put your order on “Auto Ship” when you are making the order. I recommend this so that it just automatically gets reordered and shipped.

3. You will fill out a preferred customer profile to order your supplements and will be able to easily order new supplements this way. I will be your distributor and am trained as a health professional on using these products, so if you have any questions you can direct them to me.

4. If you are in a health care field or are interested in learning more about sharing these products with your clients, friends, family and being a distributor, please let me know and I can tell you more about becoming a distributor as a great business opportunity that promotes healthy living in a holistic way.

The supplements I recommend most for HSPs are:

OPC-3

Because of all the issues mentioned above we often experience inflammatory reactions. This is a super powerful antioxidant that gets rid of free radicals and relieves inflammation (chronic and acute). I take it daily and then add extra doses when needed. You can take up to 14 before you just start peeing it out and you are no longer getting the benefit from it. It helps with circulation and can be blood thinning, so if you are on heart or blood thinning medication, please talk to your doctor about taking it first. It helps soothe and relieve allergies, upset tummies, colds, infections, any healing process. I take 6 doses a day if I notice any illness coming on and it nips it in the bud every time. This supplement is magic. It is one that I recommend to anyone and everyone.

Hepatocleanse

Milk thistle is an amazing herb for cleaning your liver on a regular daily basis, along with the rest of the herbs in this supplement. Being sensitive means that you are cannot handle toxins in your blood very well, and you may experience leaky gut (see above), so it’s important to clean out your liver regularly. It will help with circulation, energy levels, skin/rashes, digestion.

Multivitamin

If you have had any digestive issues, you may be malnourished and deficient in some vitamins. This can help get you back on track. Easily absorbed in the body.

ACTS

I don’t need to tell you, we get stressed easily! Many HSPs experience what is called adrenal exhaustion or adrenal fatigue. To combat that, this supplement is amazing. It’s name stands for Adrenal, Cortisol, Thyroid, and Stress Support Formula. If you are experiencing adrenal fatigue or have any thyroid issues, it is essential. Also, this is a great article about the highly sensitive nervous system and how it works.

Curcumin

This powerful supplement comes from turmeric and is great for your liver. Many sensitive bodies have livers that are overloaded. This can help to keep it detoxed daily and heal a lot of issues related to food intolerance and leaky gut.

Digestive Enzymes

These help us to break down what we may not be breaking down right now. Take them after a meal and see the difference. They also have a probiotic in them which helps aid in digestion. If you experience discomfort when eating, check these out.

Aloe

Drinking aloe can help sooth inflammation, acid reflux, and aid in the digestive process.

Fiber

This fiber is the best tasting fiber I have ever had. Seriously. If you have ever had fiber, you know it tastes like dirt. Or lemon flavored dirt. It’s not good. This tastes like a fruity sports drink, refreshing and enjoyable. It also does the job. Keeps everything cleared out and in working order. Essential.

Greens

Just to make sure, it’s always good to get some extra greens in. You can take these in powder or pill. You can add the powder to a green juice or green smoothie which ought to be the start to every morning. This is the BEST tasting greens powder I have ever found. AND, there are SO MANY good green juice/smoothie recipes exist online and in the books I recommended above. Please share yours in the comment below.

Pet Health Supplements

OPC-3 for your cat or dog is fabulous! Use it to aid in recovery or promote healing, as well as a daily supplement.

Take a look under the “Products” tab and see if there are any supplements that are particular to your situation. Depending on your unique body and lifestyle, you may be experiencing a deficiency or disorder that can be relieved with some extra daily love. The bone and joint supplements are great, and many HSPs can benefit there due to connective tissue disorders. Rheumatoid arthritis is a common HSP autoimmune issue that can be relieved with these (and OPC-3!!!). If you experience diabetes or weight issues, check out the blood sugar and weight management supplements. Super helpful. I am also happy to answer any questions you have. Write them in the comments below.

URINARY TRACT AND SEXUAL ORGANS:

HSPs are prone to infection and inflammation here as well. Cranberry pills are great for UTIs and yeast infections. Somehow the antibacterial properties in cranberry specifically prevent bacteria in this region of the body. I don’t know how it works, but it’s science. Kind of amazing. Don’t do cranberry juice, that’s loaded with sugar and will feed the issue not resolve it. Only do concentrated cranberry pills. I also like Cystex. Before I really understood my body, I got frequent burning UTIs and this stuff was a lifesaver. Since shifting my diet and lifestyle, I no longer get UTIs like that. But, if that’s where you are then support your self there. It immediately stops the burning and kills the bacteria. It is a good intervention, not a good long term solution.

100% aloe vera gel is great for these particularly sensitive regions. It is mild and soothing, and the gel form rather than liquid form makes it easier to apply. If you are experiencing any discomfort here, apply some gel and it helps relieve and prevent infections. After sex, apply some to help prevent a UTI or yeast infection.

There is an association between gluten intolerance and latex allergies. You could end up in a particularly uncomfortable situation using latex condoms…blistering, rashes, yikes. Use latex free condoms if you know you are gluten sensitive or want to be sure to keep your pink parts pink.

MUSCLES:

This is a GREAT resource for muscular/skeletal issues related to being highly sensitive. Connective tissue disorders are very common and relate to magnesium deficiency. Constantly having tense muscles can come from stress as well as diet deficiency. And, they both lead to the other. Vicious cycle again. The diet and supplements I have recommended will help. Also, the Celiac Nurse has an interesting 5 part series of posts on her blog about how Celiac Disease (gluten intolerance) may be related to scoliosis.

Epsom salt bath soaks are great for soreness. If you’ve had a workout or are just achey, put 3-4 cups of epsom salt in a hot bath and soak. It helps you return to alkalinity. Add some essential oil like eucalyptus or lavender for a real treat and to relax. These are really my favorite way to unwind.

I love little wooden massage tools called “Knobbles” that my physical therapists use. They are great because you can use them on your own, and others can also use them on you for a deep massage and release of pressure points. This one that is like a door knob can be used in a lot of ways, I personally like to put it on a pressure point and lay on it. Any time I find a knot or muscle that is in spasm that is bothering me, I use it there. I like this one that has the double knobs for generally releasing my back each night. I lay with it starting at the base of my spine, on either side of my spine, to release the muscles on either side. I slowly move it up my spine to release all the way to the top. Then, I lay with the knobs at the base of my skull to come to what is called a “still point” in your body’s rhythm. You can also get a still point inducer for this, also recommended by a physical therapist. It’s very relaxing, though initially intense. I have to ease into each position until my muscles are totally relaxed over the knobs. I like taking these traveling, they are great for bus or airplane seats that can often leave me stiff otherwise.

Restorative yoga is great for sensitive bodies. It is passive and uses props to help you relax into a posture for 5 to 10 minutes which releases tension in your body and returns it to alignment.

Kundalini yoga can be really great for those who are experiencing an energetic awakening or shift. It helps you work through the energy that is emerging in a productive and direct way. Kundalini energy that is misunderstood can feel very uncomfortable and lead to a lot of mental, physical, and emotional frustrations. This is a much a larger topic that I plan to address further in the future.

Along with finding a kundalini yoga class near you (it is VERY different than most other types of yoga), I highly recommend this book: Kundalini Rising.

BREATHE:

Our breath connects us to this moment. It is enough. And we are here. It is important to practice breathing. It supports you in opening and relaxing. This is ESSENTIAL to all the rest of these tips. HSPs have a tendency to breathe shallowly and to be anxious, which creates a chicken and egg scenario. Breathe follows thoughts and vice versa. Expand your breathing and expand your experience. This is one thing you can do RIGHT NOW. Pause. Exhale completely. Let your lungs naturally re-fill. Practice pushing your diaphragm all the way down. Breathing is the easiest and most basic thing you can do to stay alkaline. Google videos on “breath of fire” and “alternate nostril breathing” for practice. I prefer guided hypnosis over silent meditation for HSPs when they are just learning how to just be, my online program has recordings to help you breathe and you can find MILLIONS of guided imagery/hypnosis/mediation recordings online.

CLEANING SOLUTIONS:

Mrs. Meyer’s is a natural brand of cleaning products with essential oils that I look forward to using. Smells absolutely amazing. Basil is my favorite flavor. But they are all delicious. I use their dish soap, laundry soap (this is SO important because it’s going right on your skin all day long), and countertop spray. I clean all surfaces of my house with the counter top spray and it works like a charm, even in my bathtub/shower. Many house cleaning products are way to intense for what you need to clean with in your home and can create a toxic environment that is taxing on your body. Use all natural products or create your own. Google it, there are great homemade cleaning solutions.

On your body, using even regular soap can be too drying. I like Dr. Bronner’s. It is mild and the bottle is intriguing to read.

SLEEP:

You need it. I know that I am a totally different person when I am sleep deprived, not functional. Put some solid boundaries on this. You have to shut out the world. It won’t happen naturally for you. You have to set up any boundaries that you want to be there. I usually use a sleep mask and ear plugs. I use visualization to disconnect from the day. I can’t cuddle while I sleep, any movement will wake me. Do whatever you can to eliminate all stimulation so that your body gets to turn off and recharge as much as possible. I also know that I need 9 hours. I function best when I am in bed by 12 midnight and wake up around 9 am naturally. Find out how you function best. There are going to be times when it doesn’t happen. Remind your self that it’s ok. And do your best to do what works. There are at least 3 different sleep cycle patterns, one is very early, one is medium and one is later. I am the later one, as I know many creative people are. I own it and use it.

BIG SIGH….PHEW, MADE IT THROUGH…NOW WHAT?

Now, start where you are. Embrace where you are fully. That’s the only way to move forward. Make an honest assessment of your health status now and then where you want to be. Do anything to head that direction. Don’t settle for poor health, be dissatisfied with it so much so that you keep looking for a resolution. Don’t make this all-or-nothing. Incorporate one new thing a week. Whatever you can do is awesome and it’s better than what you were doing yesterday. That’s enough. You are enough. Take care of you. You deserve it. It’s only when you start treating your body as a precious vessel that you get good things flowing from it. It doesn’t work the other way around. So don’t wait for anyone to tell you that you deserve to care for your self, don’t wait for anything. Take the risk to treat your self like an invaluable, precious, rare find. Because you are…but you won’t know it until you do.

My online program supports you in all of these areas, but especially learning to relax and breathe and be. I utilize hypnosis recordings to help you start to get into your body and feel it and listen to it. It supports you in the underlying emotional and psychological issues that are related to these health conditions.

For a program that is all set up for you specifically about highly sensitive bodies and nutrition, check out RoseCole.com. She is a highly sensitive nutritional coach who has some awesome programs that lead you step by step to health:

10 Week Tranformation Program

7 Weeks to Super Skin Program

Get Rid of Psoriasis and Eczema for Good Program

Wellness With Rose Cookbook

I want to introduce you to Elsa Isaac of www.blog.elsaisaac.com

She is a fabulous friend, HSP, and stylist. And, she and I are going to be part of an amazing upcoming event, the NYC Tribal Truth Launch.

She makes understanding what clothing works for YOU in every way easy and fun.

How you show up in the world is definitely related to how you dress. As many HSPs do, I used to try and look like everyone else, scared to really dress in what I wanted because it would make me stand out. I like colorful, funky stuff. I am big and bold. I still remember the first article of clothing I bought that was really ME. I fell in love with a unique vintage rain coat at a thrift store, bought it, and it sat in my closet for at least a year. I used to look at it, try it on, consider wearing it out, and then chicken out and go with what I thought was acceptably normal.

When I finally just DID IT, it was scary. I thought everyone was staring at me and judging me. Maybe they were. But, I did it. And it was SOOOOO liberating. It was an important step in me really being me.

I encourage you to check out what Elsa has to say below, check out her blog + facebook page and come see us live at the Tribal Truth NYC Launch…then comment below to let us know how you are showing up with style:

How to Use Your Sensitivity Genius to Rock It With Your Wardrobe

by Elsa Isaac

One day in the 5^th grade, I called up my best friend at the time, Lisa, and suggested that we both show up at school the next day wearing the most stylish outfit we could put together. I also convinced her that it would make things even more interesting, if we asked the rest of the class to vote on whose outfit they liked better! I’m sure she thought I was a bit crazy, but she went along with it.  And guess what… I won!

I tell you this because coming up with ‘unconventional’ ideas like that was not uncommon for me as a kid. I wasn’t aware of it at the time, but now I know it was how I expressed myself.

As I grew older I started to realize how different my eccentricity made me from everyone else. With that realization, that unconventionality slowly began to dwindle. I no longer expressed myself like before. In fact, I often went out of my way to ensure that I stayed out of the spotlight whenever possible.

As an adult I learned that I was a highly sensitive person. This showed up in my life by how personal I took the thoughts & opinions of others. Or how I’d always try & do things the ‘right way’ instead of going with my gut instinct and what felt right to me. When I began to see the stifling affects it had on my person and career as a fashion stylist, I began to make some changes in order to let my creative force flow!

Being a highly sensitive person should in no way be looked at from a negative lens when it comes to fashion. In fact, you should consider it a force to be reckoned with… a very good force!

Here a few ways your high sensitivity trait can help you gain the amazing boost of confidence an impeccable sense of style can bring:

Your incredible attention to detail allows you to quickly hone in on the things that do & don’t work on your body & in your lifestyle.

One of the basic things I teach my clients about having style and looking sexy in clothes is knowing what their specific body shape is and then knowing how to dress for it. This means selecting the perfect item of clothing, with just the right detail(s), is very important!

There’s a lot of clothing out there to choose from and often times, it becomes very easy to get distracted by a lot of the fashion noise that exists in stores. Your natural ability to quickly spot things that require attention in the seams, patterns, color & fit will not only help you in selecting clothes, but will also help you in deciphering the things that do & don’t work once the clothes are on your body.

Style is not just a luxury… it’s the visual declaration of who you are in this world!

Whether we think about it or not, every time we get dressed, we’re sending a message to the world about who we are. Wouldn’t it be amazing if you had the ability to craft that message in a way that was a true reflection of you?

Well it’s possible, and it just so happens that you’re more in-tune with your body than most people, which means that you’re more likely to accurately represent yourself with clothes.

As a highly sensitive person you have the innate ability to tap into the things that make you happy, give you inspiration and ignite your passion.  Infusing the parts of your life that make up the essence of you is what having great style is all about!

Standout style requires a standout personality!

I know it may seem like you’re more comfortable trying to be like most people but I also know how draining that can be. Especially when you have the type of personality that craves individuality & self-expression! You are made to march to the beat of your own drum.

The people that make it onto numerous best-dressed lists are the ones that aren’t afraid to try things outside the norm, push the envelope and most importantly to be themselves. They pave the way to new possibilities for the rest of the world and keep it inspired.

One of my favorite quotes is by Marianne Williamson and I’d like to share a bit of it with you:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”

Looking great in clothes doesn’t have to be difficult. All it takes is a little but of effort and a whole lot of authentic YOU! Gaining control of your style is about owning & loving who you are & allowing yourself the freedom to not only look amazing but to feel it too!

I often wonder how many more fashion contests I would have had as a kid if I hadn’t decided to hide behind that wall. Then it dawns on me, I could easily get stuck in my head here, trying to analyze & over think all of the things that could have been… but I’ll stop myself and choose instead to celebrate my perfectly timed decision to put my best fashion foot forward and live my life fully now.

On the fence about the gathering?
Watch this!

On the fence about the HSP gathering? from Ane Axford on Vimeo.

Want a laugh…or to at least see me crack up as Jacquelyn and I tell you why this retreat is purrrrrrrfect for you.

This is my special invitation to you, to join me for the next HSP gathering retreat as I co-host and co-present with Elaine Aron and Jacquelyn Strickland.

Along with those insightful presentations, there will be opportunities to connect with other HSPs both directly and indirectly. It will be a weekend retreat, HSP-style. Jacquelyn does a thorough job of making sure there is a clear container in place to support us, yet that it has enough room to spread out and do whatever feels best to you.

You can see information about the presentations below, and you can register here: http://lifeworkshelp.com/hspgathering.htm

Early bird registration ends on March 20th, so make sure to check it out NOW!

It was not until I started meeting with other HSPs regularly that I really felt my power and began engaging with my life in an empowered way. If you are feeling alone, you don’t need to. Come join us. Come understand your self better, by having a reflection of your self from others like you. There’s nothing else like it.

The 21^st HSP Gathering Retreat™

May 26-30, 2011

Rolling Ridge Retreat Center, North Andover, Massachusetts

with Dr. Elaine Aron and Jacquelyn Strickland, LPC
co-founders of the HSP Gathering Retreats

And co-host, Ane Axford, LMFT

Dr. Elaine Aron (via teleconference)

Complexes:  Ours and Others.
Using Your Sensitivity to Tame the Psyche’s Wild Beasts
Sunday, May 29, 2011 ~ 2:00 – 5:00 pm
(One-day Conference fee for Sunday only 9 am- 9 pm is $160)
We all have complexes.    Jung called them the building blocks of the personality.  However, complexes also cause most human problems.  Complexes form around a trauma with an archetype at its core, the whole structure acting like a black hole sucking every experience into it.  Once one is triggered, it forces people into bewildering behaviors, acting out scripts from the past having little to do with the present.  We’ll talk about the complexes we and others have about sensitivity, why our complexes are easily triggered, and what do to when we find ourselves or someone else caught up in one.  By using our sensitivity wisely, we can become skilled at steering through these stormy seas to safe harbor.

As we know, Elaine Aron, Ph.D. is a research psychologist and author of The Highly Sensitive Person, the Highly Sensitive Person’s Workbook, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love, and The Highly Sensitive Child. The Undervalued Self, was published in March 2010 followed by Psychotherapy and the HSP published in Sept 2010.

Besides a master’s degree in clinical psychology from York University (Toronto) and a doctorate from Pacifica Graduate Institute, Elaine also studied at the Jung Institute in San Francisco.  She is a widely published research psychologist, a workshop leader, and has a private psychotherapy practice in San Francisco.  She divides her time between San Francisco and New York and you may reach her office voice mail at (415) 765-7617, and her web page at www.hsperson.com .  Be sure to sign up for her on-line newsletter, The Comfort Zone.

Ane Axford, LMFT

Beyond Thriving:  Sensitive Leadership
Sunday, May 29, 2011 9:00 am – Noon

Being highly sensitive can sometimes feel like a curse.  I find time and again that it’s only when we are trying to fit ourselves into a prescribed role that it becomes a curse, and causes us anxiety and stress.

I believe our sensitivity makes us natural leaders.  As Priestly Advisors, we are visionary sensitive giants who can see for miles around and that view is incredibly VALUABLE. It is wanted. It hurts to try and fit somewhere when you are a giant.

You are naturally strong, and your sensitivity makes you incredibly capable to handle whatever situation you are in. And, when you are free to be all that you are, then you can really utilize the gifts that I believe all HSPs are here to share.   In this presentation, you will learn about, and experience, how you can move from surviving to thriving and realize that you are already a leader.  You life can feel much easier when you experience yourself as the gifted leader that you are.

(Annie) Axford has a Bachelor of Science degree in Family and Human Development and Psychology, a Master of Science degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, a Marriage and Family Therapy license (LMFT) in New York State, over 450 hours in clinical hypnotherapy training and a Clinical Hypnosis certification. She has facilitated individual, relational, and group therapy for over 6 years as well as many workshops, training, coaching, consulting, and classes specializing in high sensitivity.  Visit her website at http://www.sensitiveandthriving.com You may email her at ane@aneaxford.com.

“HSPs & Conflict: From Resistance to Understanding
Our Positive Role in Conflict Resolution”
Jacquelyn Strickland, LPC
Saturday, May 28, 2011 9:00 am – Noon
Besides learning a bit of research about conflict resolution, we’ll also take an individual and holistic perspective on conflict to better understand how and why we, as HSPs, may approach or, more often, avoid conflict.  We will  then learn and practice through journal writing what Jacquelyn likes to call an “integrated wholeness of the heart” approach to conflict.  This hopefully moves us toward what Ane calls “Sensitive Leadership” and what Jacquelyn calls “Emotional Leadership.”   Either one moves us toward being positive forces (our Priestly Advisory selves?) for positives change in our inmmediate circles and beyond.

Jacquelyn Strickland, LPC

Jacquelyn is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), Coach and workshop leader based in Ft. Collins, Colorado.  She has been certified to utilize the Myers Briggs Personality Inventory since 1991.  Her counseling and coaching practice combines therapeutic orientations, and coaching principles with a spiritual foundation. She has been trained in Hypnotherapy and is also a Level II EMDR therapist and works exclusively with HSPs, adolescents and families – assisting them toward optimal health and happiness. In her spare time, she shares small wilderness adventures in the mountains of Colorado.   You can visit her web site at http://www.lifewokshelp.com ; Email womenoutdoors@yahoo.com , or call (970) 484-0840.  You can sign up for her online newsletter, HSP Highlights & Insights at her website.

This is a particularly personal post for me.

I spent much time feeling very alone, most of my life. I misunderstood myself. I didn’t know what I liked. And I felt so different from so many people I met.

I can remember a particularly poignant hypnosis session for myself in which I discovered that I wanted to be liked and appreciated for ME instead of what I could do. I imagined a room full of people who really saw me and loved me for the first time. They just wanted to be with me.

From that time, I started wanting to be with me. I started exploring me and expressing me more. I took risks to reach out and meet new people and be authentic.

I had always felt too intense for others, too emotional, too personal. I either had my heart broken over and over by friends or people I dated, or was misunderstood as flirting, being too personal. I always tried to tame it down and felt insecure about how to act with people.

Well, then I realized that I am an intense person, and that is great. I do love intimacy. I have a hard time tolerating anything shallow. So, I stopped tolerating it. I started being me more fully. I let myself be close, direct, open, sensitive, and honest.

And, I met a very special sensitive friend. The first time we really got each other was when she was discussing her desire for ice cream, but that it would have to be at Lula’s (HIGHLY recommended) because she doesn’t eat dairy. I looked at her with complete joy. A dairy-free ice cream parlor!? And then she proceeded to tell me that not only was it dairy-free, but they have gluten-free cones…WHAT?! We locked eyes and we knew each other in a way that I hadn’t known any one else. She was sensitive too. She knew the joy of eating ice cream on a cone after years of going without.

Her name is Lillian (I asked her permission to share all this, fyi). And she now has a really amazing cooking show about baking treats that are grain-free, cane sugar-free, dairy and soy-free. So, check it out: www.LilliansTestKitchen.com.

We became friends BECAUSE we are both sensitive. We allowed each other to be genuine and we joke that our relationship is a testing-ground for what we want as intense people who dream big dreams and expect a lot. We let each other explore with our crazy ideas, emotions, experiences that are often too intense for others. She has helped me immensely this year and I have seen her take off in her own life too.

The other day, she sent me a very sweet love note. I am tooting my horn here a little bit. But, it’s because I want you to see that the friendships you desire ARE possible. The more you love and express yourself, the more you become a lighthouse to those who would love you. The brighter you shine your authentic light, the more those who authentically want you in their life can find you.

I have written countless love notes, hoping desperately for the intimacy and closeness I saw possible…but no one else seemed to get it. This note was a total validation of where I am now and that I can have just want I want in relationships. And, the answer was to be MORE me, not LESS.

Here is what is also possible for you. Lilly has written our friendship in such a beautiful way, that I will leave it to her note to express it:

“Dear Ane,

I’ve never written a real love letter before.  I’ve gotten a few of them.  I’ve written really bad poetry and made the object of my affection listen to me read it over the phone.  But I’ve never been able to write a love letter before.  Whenever I try, it always feels forced and artificial.  And so I’ve never done it.  But I’m trying again.  Because I love you.

I’m so proud of you.  Of all that you’ve done this year.  This has been and continues to be, a year of transformation and rebirth.  You changed your name.  You reclaimed your name.  You took and are still taking, all the scary steps required for you to have the expansive, successful, happy life that you want to have.  I’ve watched you and I’m happy to say that I’ve been a part of the process of you reclaiming, or maybe, claiming for the first time, your power.  Because you are remarkably powerful.

When I think about what you’ve done so far, it blows my mind.  It is a constant reminder of how amazing you are.  And it gives me faith that I can do it too.  I like seeing all the small steps it takes to travel the great distance.  You inspire me.

I never thought I could have a friend like you.  I didn’t know you existed.  Someone who gets me and loves me and who I get and who I love so much.  Someone who is relaxing to be with.  Someone who I can be myself with.  The good, the bad, the embarrassing and shameful.  And you are willing to stand there with me even when I’m pushing you away.  Because you love me and you don’t judge me.  You give me permission to be who I am.  All of me.

But it’s not all a love fest.  You challenge me.  You challenge me to let go a little bit.  Or maybe challenge is the wrong word.  You give me permission to feel the shame and hurt and cry and try a little less hard to fix whatever it is that I’m anxiously trying to fix.  And we had our conversation about how I was trying to convince you to see my side of things and how outraged I was on your behalf and I wanted you to be outraged and you weren’t and that alarmed me.  And you called me on it.  I wasn’t letting you feel how you felt.  I was trying to get you to feel my feelings.  And you called me on it.  And I was so embarrassed and ashamed that I had done something wrong.  That I wasn’t a good enough friend.  But then, once I got past only thinking about myself and my shame, I understood what you meant.  I wasn’t giving you any room in the conversation.  I was letting my emotions fill up the entire room which made it even more difficult for you to know what you felt, or maybe feel anything at all.  And I had no idea that I was even doing it, because I’ve been doing it my whole life.  I think it’s how I learned to interact.  And to honest, now that I’m aware of it, I think it’s an unpleasant way to be.  For myself and for you.  Because the truth is, that I don’t want to change you, I want you to feel how you feel.  I just never knew another way to be with a person.  I don’t think I’ve ever really listening to someone else before.  Not really.  Usually I just listen for what I agree with and what I don’t.  And then make my conclusions and then wow them with my rapier-like wit and intelligence. But once I was aware that I’ve NEVER really LISTENED, all of a sudden I realized how uncomfortable it is to do that all the time.  It’s exhausting having to convince everyone how wrong they are and how right I am.  And it’s been a fantastic challenge for me to judge less and listen more.  And to be honest, it’s an easier way to communicate.  I enjoy it more.  There’s no pressure to save the other person.  Just share with them (you).  And that’s a part of the ease.  The challenges are part of the ease.  Even when they’re uncomfortable.  I love you.

I feel safe with you.  Being with you has been my first taste of what it’s like to have ease in a relationship with someone other than family.  And family can be tough since we know each other so well, so well that we can often not know each other at all.

I never knew what it was like to feel ease before you were my friend.  My parents don’t have it.  They will admit that they do everything the hard way.  And I guess I thought that that’s how you really earn something.  By fighting for it.  And now that I think of it, I think that misconception has guided my entire life until now.  I just didn’t know that it was possible to let it be easy.  To let anything be easy.  But your friendship.  Having you on my side.  Talking to you.  It’s easy.  It’s sweet….  You’re downstream.

I’ve changed a lot since you have been my friend.  I think I’ve been able to change because I know that you’re there.  I’m able to take these scary steps and actually make choices in my life instead of hoping that someone else will make them for me.  I’m becoming powerful with you by my side.

I was listening to a Jane’s Addiction song called ‘Jane Says’ yesterday.  And this is a song I’ve been listening to since I was 11.  And there’s a line that caught my attention for maybe the first time.  I’ve sung these words before, but I’ve never really paid attention to them.  These lines rang out and I almost burst into tears: ‘Jane says: I’ve never been in love.  I don’t know what it is.  Only knows when someone wants her.  I wonder if they want me? I only know they want me. ‘  And the truth is that for most of my life I’ve been living like this; reacting to being wanted.  Never being brave enough to want anyone myself until they wanted me.  But not anymore.  Now I am trying to pay attention to myself and know that my wants are valid.  That if I slow down and pay attention, my wants and desires will tell me what to do next.  And it’s requiring a daily bravery that I don’t think I could keep up without you.  I don’t think I would be able to be brave and admit my needs without you.  I’m too good at invalidating them.  I’ve had 28 years of practice.

You’re the first person I call whenever anything happens.  The good, the bad, all the stuff in between. I am so blessed and lucky to have you in my life.  You keep me going.  You cheer me on.  You tell me that I’m already a success and I believe you.  You give me the strength and bravery to really be myself.  And I’m happier with you in my life.

You’re amazing.  And strong.  And you inspire me all the time.  And even when you’re afraid, you’re still brave.  And it’s a remarkable thing to see.  I love you. Massively.  I love you.

I’m not going to try to say everything in this letter, although the temptation is there.  But if I do that, I’ll never send it and you’ll never get it.  And that would be a waste.  So, I’ll just say, this is your first love letter from me.  There will be many more to come.

I’m so proud of you.  I love you.  Thank you for being my best friend.

Lovelilly”

There are so many people waiting to connect to you. I am actually about to head out to an event tonight that will literally be a room full of people who see me and love me for who I am, ALL of me…because I share all of me with them. It all started from me beginning to hope that it was possible and reaching out. I can barely believe how things have shifted for me as I recall that day when I was only imagining it.

It is SOOOOO important to find ways to connect with HSPs. It is imperative to have these connections. Make them happen, start today. I have given you a few options below, but these are certainly not the only ones. Make sure to check out the announcement about the next HSP gathering near NYC at the bottom, I am the co-host! If you have a suggestion about how to connect with other HSPs, add it in the comment section below. You are wanted, so please share yourself. There are people out there ready to love you.

We just had our first call with the newly re-opened online sensitive + thriving basics group and had a great conversation about food sensitivity. You get to direct the call and pick my brain, so you can help decide the next topic for the call coming up on December 4th. We would love to have you and it is available to all!

Here are a few things others have said about the online program:

“Just a quick note to say I really appreciate you facing your fears and doing this online course! It is changing my life and I know you know how much weight that statement carries.”

“The me being just-right insight has changed my life. I have even come to accept when I can’t sleep! I am balanced right now and asking for (and receiving) help when I need it. As I value myself, inconsistent beliefs are coming to the surface and I’m blasting through them.”

“Our last group talk helped a lot seeing our self as giants and I think I do try to shrink into places that I don’t fit when I am not heard or understood in the way I would like to be and I also liked the bit about us using scaffolding (meeting people where they are because we are the giants who can see more than they can) that helped too it takes me out of that victim place and I guess I am being too much for people too close to the ground to deal with. I do know when I stand tall and do what I do best I feel better but I think I leave other people confused so I guess that is where the scaffolding skill comes in, when I  have tried that it felt better too somehow it felt right and  I  felt I was using the skills I had learned instead of hiding way.”

sensitive + thriving basics online program

Many people who struggle with their health, addictions, relationships, maintaining a satisfying job, and mental/emotional stress have the genetic trait of high sensitivity.

About 20% of the population has this trait and many of them do not know it or know anything about it. So, they end up trying to function like the rest of the population and struggle with it. It is a totally different way to function and if you don’t understand it, you can’t support yourself properly to experience health and achieve your goals.

I would like to support you in giving you the user’s manual for your mind, body, and spirit.

I put together all the basic information that every HSP needs to know in one convenient program and you can find out all about it here.

sensitive + thriving NYC

If you are in NYC and interested in meeting for a discussion group or to chat with like minds over dinner, visit the Meetup.com site:
sensitive + thriving NYC

sensitive + thriving mastery

If you are interested in going beyond the basics to have an interactive, more in-depth, practical experience of how to use your sensitivity as a super power then this is for you.

As a bonus, you get access to the sensitive + thriving basics online content and program above. And then, we meet monthly for two hours to go even further discussing, practicing, and supporting one another in a group setting in my sweet office.

Through the techniques used in hypnosis, you can more intentionally use your conscious, subconscious, and superconscious mind to get the experience you want in life and thrive. Being sensitive doesn’t mean being weak or struggling. It is actually a super power when you know how to use it instead of letting it use you. When you understand how your consciousness works and practice it, you can have a whole new experience of life.

Some of the concepts we’ll cover:

Will power isn’t the key to reaching your goals…
effectively programming your subconscious mind is.

Rules About How Your Mind Works:

1. Imagination and emotion are more powerful than knowledge in effecting behavior.

2. Only congruent ideas can be held at the same time, opposing ideas cannot.

3. Every thought or idea gets expressed physically.

4. What is expected tends to be realized; you get what you focus on.

5. Once an idea has been accepted by the subconscious, it remains as
programming until it is replaced by another idea/program.

6. An emotionally induced symptom tends to lead to an observable organic/physical
change if persisted in long enough.

7. Each suggestion acted upon creates more acceptance and less opposition to
each successive related suggestion.

8. The greater the conscious effort, the less the subconscious responds.

If interested, email info@sensitiveandthriving.com for details about joining the next available group.

And plan ahead for the next couple of HSP Gatherings, the next one is near NYC and I am the co-host!

Here are the details from Jacquelyn Strickland about those:

This is a quick announcement letting you know plans for the 2001 HSP Gathering Retreats are now finalized.  Registration Forms will be up on my website soon.  Please visit www.lifeworkshelp.com in a few days to view and download them.  We really need you to register early, as there is much anxiety in being responsible for sizeable deposits !! And, there is always a considerable discount in the registration fee for registering early.

The 21st HSP Gathering Retreat™ (since 2001)
May 26-30, 2011, Rolling Ridge Retreat Center, www.RollingRidge.org
North Andover, Massachusetts, about 45 minutes north of Boston.

Rolling Ridge is nestled on a peninsula surrounded by Lake Cochichewick on 38 acres of woods and  rolling hills.  My co-hosts for the East Coast HSP Gathering are Jackie Kutner from Bronx, New York .  Jackie has been to at least 7 HSP Gatherings in the past.   Ane Axford, my co-host at North Carolina in April 2010 will be helping out as well as presenting.  Her website is:  www.sensitiveandthriving.com

The 22nd HSP Gathering Retreat™
and the 3rd one in the United Kingdom)
July 21-25, 2011 –  Gaunts House, www.gauntshouse.com
in Wimborne, Dorset, United Kingdom.

Gaunts House is a period, red-brick mansion with a castellated north tower, located on almost 2000 acres of the Gaunts Estate .  The rooms and setting are spacious, peaceful and beautiful.
Thanks to my co-host, Barbara Allen-Williams of www.growingunlimited.co.uk for help in finding Gaunts House.  She will be presenting as well as assisting with hosting and coordinating ride sharing.   In addition, she has just launched the National Center (UK and Europe) for Highly Sensitive People.  She is also offering one day workshops throughout England.